Rumours - Play Safe Forum Topics

This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 1 month ago by EarthMama.

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March 9, 2018 at 2:58 am #106566

Purple
Moderator

Does anyone have any advice to deal with rumours that just aren’t true? For some context, I do pole dancing “fitness” as they like to call it, and recently my ex has started a huge rumour that I’m a stripper and lots of their friends (and many others) are believing it. I’m pro sex work but haven’t been involved in the industry in any capacity. It’s really difficult for my anxiety imagining all of the things people have been saying about me.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation where there reputation is on the line and is there a way to handle this with grace? I’m hoping in a couple of weeks or so it’ll all blow over but it’s really affecting me even though I’ve said a few times it’s simply not true. It’s really sad because even if I was a sex worker, why’s that anyone’s business and why is it such a big deal?

March 11, 2018 at 8:25 am #112582

EarthMama
Moderator

@Purple I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. I completely understand your desire for the truth to be known, even if the rumour is not a negative one.
All I can say is this- What other people think of you is none of your business!
I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to keep saying that to yourself over and over until it becomes truth. The things people say about us behind our backs speak volumes about the person spreading the rumour and pretty much nothing about the rumoured. You’ve gotta feel sorry for people who have nothing better to do than talk about others.
Keep your head held high and spread truth where you can! This isn’t your battle to fight. Ultimately, the people who matter will be keeping open minds and hearts anyway.

March 11, 2018 at 9:34 pm #112583

peachy
Participant

@Purple I’m sorry you’re going through this! Not having control over people’s perception of you is really anxiety-inducing. I had an ex tell lots of people about my sex life while I was in high school, so I can really empathise.

When I was going through that horrible time, I kept trying to think about how little space this rumour about you occupies in other people’s heads. Humans are so self-centered and anxious about their own stuff, that this rumour will be a blip in their head compared to the huge amount of time/emotional energy you’re expending on this. Reassuring yourself of this can really help with the anxiety of it. And as much as I wanted to confront my ex about it, I just avoided him and let the rumour die down. Even if people had this false idea about me, I came to peace with it knowing that another rumour/hot goss would succeed it.

And @EarthMama is totally spot on. The rumour spreading says more about him than it does about the rumour itself!

March 13, 2018 at 10:34 am #112584

Purple
Moderator

thank you @EarthMama and @peachy that’s honestly exactly what I needed to hear, and has really soothed my anxiety. THANK YOU I really appreciate it, you’re both so right <3

March 15, 2018 at 2:17 am #112585

peachy
Participant

So glad to hear it @Purple <3 <3 <3

March 21, 2018 at 10:21 am #112586

EarthMama
Moderator

Ahhh I am so glad to hear we were able to soothe your anxiety @Purple !! That’s what we’re here for. I totally agree with @peachy’s sentiment also. This will all blow over and you will be stronger and more empathetic because of it! <3 <3 <3
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