Talking about your sex life with your friends

Tagged: first-date, sex

This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 2 months ago by peachy.

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January 31, 2018 at 2:02 am #106538

peachy
Participant

So my friend had this kind of gross experience recently. She had sex with this guy on a first date. She left and was waiting for an Uber but he had left his window open and she could hear everything he was saying. She heard him high-fiving his roommate and going on in a lot of detail about how the sex was.

I thought it could be interesting to get a sense of how much do you share with your friends about your sex life. Because she felt really uneasy about her experience. I found this good list but what do you think? What do you share and keep private about your sex life with your friends?

January 31, 2018 at 6:49 am #112391

MintMilano
Moderator

I have a couple of best friends that I would tell pretty much everything to. Mostly if it was just casual partners who I didn’t expect to be seeing again, but even if it was someone I liked and was excited about how well it went, I’d always debrief to them and we’re all very comfortable with each other so we go into details.
In relationships I probably skip over some of the details because I don’t want my friends to be stuck with all those images in their heads when they hang out with me and my boyfriend together. but I still tell them things. we’re all pretty open and sex positive about things like that so no one really minds, but I suppose there’s a right way and a wrong way to tell someone about a sexual experience you’ve had. from the sounds of it @peachy that retelling of your friend’s date to his roommate sounds a little derogatory, which is pretty awful.

February 2, 2018 at 4:41 am #112392

HoneyPot
Moderator

Oh my gosh this article is so great
“It’s a compliment to share that your partner has a great arse, but it’s weird to get into details about the colour of their anus and tightness of their rectum.”

I learnt so much from that, thanks so much for sharing it @peachy
I have definitely been guilty of sharing too much and I think I have acted really disrespectful before, telling people too much that was not really mine to share and I think these are awesome guidelines.
I think what it said about speaking really generally makes heaps of sense, and thinking “Would I be ok with my partner saying this about me?”
And being careful about who we share stuff with is important too, I’ll tell certain friends some things but I know other friends think everything about sex is a joke so don’t share stuff with them anymore.

It sounds like that dude was being disrespectful, and I do think there is a gender element that plays into this issue as conversations like this are going to generally come off as more derogatory towards women than men, would you agree?

February 5, 2018 at 12:26 pm #112393

Aunt_Flo
Moderator

I tend to keep a lot private, even with really close friends because sometimes I can feel them judging. I have a select two or three that I can tell anything to without judgement, so that’s my main consideration. I also tend to think about what my partner would think if he heard me telling someone, like @HoneyPot.

I think I used to share a lot more then I do now. It feels kinda nice to just keep things between my partner and myself right now.

February 7, 2018 at 2:49 am #112394

peachy
Participant

@Aunt_Flo @HoneyPot You’re both spot on – I think the “Would I be ok with my partner saying this about me?” rule is key!
@HoneyPot also agree that gender plays a huge part. That hyper masculine bravado thing can be so toxic. But I also think it’s really easy for anyone to slip into oversharing when you’re with a group of friend talking about good or bad sex experiences. I know I’ve definitely been guilty of that.
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