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Finding yourself after a break up

peachypeachy Posts: 183 Mod Squad
So I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, and even though I ended things I'm finding it all really difficult. We were together for almost two years, and so now I feel like I'm getting to be my own, independent person for the first time in a while. But I'm struggling to navigate this, and instead feel a bit lost and lonely not sharing my life with someone all the time. Has anyone experienced this? How did you manage this? 

Comments

  • RoseHillRoseHill Posts: 71 Mod Squad
    Yes! I've definitely been there @peachy , it's so hard. As cliche as it sounds... it really does get better with time - every single day you may notice more minutes or hours going by that you haven't thought about it, and nights will get easier to sleep gradually. Just keep reminding yourself that you made the right decision and every day is a day closer to feeling normal and being in a better place.

    I think just be honest about it, lean on your friends and family - tell them you're feeling lonely. I found the more time I spent with other people the less time I had to stew about it on my own. Say yes to everything - it may feel forced accepting an invite out to coffee or a party when you'd really rather stay at home but you'll almost always be glad you went and feel better afterwards!

    Also if you're feeling down I felt exercise really helped - by committing to getting fit you're doing something entirely for yourself that boost your self-esteem and mental health too!

    Hang in there <3 
  • stephaniaaaahstephaniaaaah Posts: 117 Community Manager
    Hey @peachy that's sad to hear.  I've been there as well and it is super hard to navigate - you think you will be doing great and then you feel so lonely (like you've lost a limb even!).  I Agree with @RoseHill , the cliche that time is the best healer is so true! 

    It get's hard to love being on your own, I've been single for over 2 years now and I still get lonely sometimes. Be with your friends, they are the people that love you unconditionally and will support you no matter what!  I always tell my mates I would die without their love!  

    Take time to treat yourself to all the self love things too and agree that exercise is a great way to do something completely for yourself! As you get fitter, you become more aware of just how strong you are!!!  
  • PurplePurple Posts: 90 Mod Squad
    Hi @peachy, sorry to hear how you're feeling. It's really great that you've committed to moving on though and it sounds like you think it's for the best despite feeling lonely. I've never been in the same situation, but would suggest that you spend lots of time with friends and family (I don't know if you have parents you're close with, but they can be really helpful during this time if you have a good relationship w them). It's also a good reason to remind yourself of why you decided to end things with this person and to look at this as an opportunity to move forward and experience some growth.  <3
  • EarthMamaEarthMama Posts: 149 Mod Squad
    I totally agree with all the above and @peachy I am sorry that this is a tricky time for you. I hope you find it comforting to know how not alone you are in your sadness over a break-up. I suggest you seek out the book 'Brave Enough' by Cheryl Strayed (you might need to order online or look in a large bookstore). It is a book of quotes and it has magical powers. I think the single quote that got me through my last break up was this one:

    'You let time pass. That's the cure. You survive the days. You float like a rabid ghost through the weeks. You cry and wallow and lament and scratch your way back up through the months.  And then one day you find yourself alone on a bench in the sun and you close your eyes and lean your head back and you realise you're okay.' 

    This moment will come. Be patient and trust your decisions- both past and present. I wish you luck <3
  • Aunt_FloAunt_Flo Posts: 491 Mod Squad
    Sorry to hear @peachy, it can be very tough. I agree with everyone - just take it a step at a time and each day you'll smile more, enjoy your own company more and start to feel more 'you'.

    Also, there's nothing wrong with being sad right now, as tough as it can be. Being sad, or having difficulty is absolutely normal. 
  • MintMilanoMintMilano Posts: 181 Mod Squad
    Sorry to hear that @peachy :( but from all the advice above I definitely agree with @RoseHill and say yes to everything. It's a good way to not fall into a rut and remember that life still goes on. About 6 months ago I ended a very co-dependant relationship, and finding myself and an individual was the best part, but also the hardest part. It feels like your world is literally ending, but if you focus on all the things about you that make YOU, as a person, you'll find your way back to feeling complete.
  • champagnepapichampagnepapi Posts: 66 Mod Squad
    How are you doing @peachy?
    I went through the breakup of a 4 year relationship last year and I am all too familiar with the loss of identity you're describing. The others have given fantastic advice but I would also like to add that dating straight away is not likely to be a solution, if anything it only highlights your insecurities and brings them to the spotlight. Take as much time as you need to find yourself again. xx

  • EarthMamaEarthMama Posts: 149 Mod Squad
    Go @peachy !! What a fantastic goal to set! You are going to feel spectacular when you achieve it!
  • teatea Posts: 267 Mod Squad
    Thank you so so much for sharing this @peachy! Totally agree with the whole finding yourself thing, and saying yes to all the things (within reason of course). My two-year relationship ended in December and I was a complete mess. Saying YES to things, trying new things and being myself again has been so healing. It's been hard too though, at the start everyone kept asking me what I liked to do and what hobbies I had, and I couldn't answer. I couldn't answer because another person had become my whole world and once that was gone I was just a shell of myself. And 100% it should not be like that, but I feel a lot of people fall into that relationship dynamic of co-dependency when in a long-term relationship because you get comfortable I guess.

    I'm still managing. I don't cry anymore (which is great), but every day I'm learning about myself. I'm learning to find myself and be okay with just being myself and being by myself. I've found that doing things I was too scared to do before has helped a whole lot. I've really grown as a person since the break-up, so I think as long as you keep trying to work towards something positive then you'll find yourself in a better place.

    :heart:
  • HappyHooHahHappyHooHah Posts: 56 Regular
    edited 02-02-2018
    @peachy I'm going through this at the moment and it's certainly a hard time. I find it best to stay busy and be around friends as much as I can. It's also a great time to dive into a new hobby to keep yourself active and moving forward :)
  • Aunt_FloAunt_Flo Posts: 491 Mod Squad
    Yaaaaay @peachy @tea and @HappyHooHah, glad you're all pushing through! 
  • peachypeachy Posts: 183 Mod Squad
    @tea I'm so so glad things are getting better! It's really tough, so taking things day-by-day is so sensible.  
    @HappyHooHah absolutely agree! Hope you're doing okay  <3
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