Intimacy

PurplePurple Posts: 80 Mod Squad
I had a one night stand with someone about two weeks ago who I really connected with emotionally, found extremely attractive and who was an absolutely lovely guy. The only thing is, we simply weren't compatible in regards to intimacy (and it wasn't due to the effect of alcohol as we were both sober). It just wasn't a very exciting sexual experience for me. He did add me on Facebook but neither of us have spoken. I'm pretty reserved and don't usually like to make the first move in regards to chatting after a hook up and anyway, it's definitely too late to say anything now. But for future reference I would love to know what others think about having a good physical/emotional connection but not a good sexual one. What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Would you see someone a second time if you liked them but didn't particularly enjoy the sexual experience you had together? 

Comments

  • MintMilanoMintMilano Posts: 151 Mod Squad
    Interesting thought @Purple, I'm not sure tbh. I do believe a good sexual connection is important but also sometimes people can have an off day? It might be a lot of pressure to have the whole success or failure riding off the one sexual experience. Sometimes it gets better with practice? 

    My current boyfriend and I started as a one night stand. The sex wasn't amazing the first night, but we we were getting on really well and kept seeing each other and it got better. We were also in similar social circles though so we ended up just seeing more of each other by coincidence than having to plan anything. Not sure if that really helps at all but that's my take on it, I suppose. 
  • EarthMamaEarthMama Posts: 126 Mod Squad
    @Purple !! How exciting that you've met someone you've really connected with!! I am a big believer in sexual compatibility being something that can grow as a result of and often in response to- feelings. I think you should give it a chance. It sounds to me like it could only get a whole lot better once trust and friendship is established. 
  • PurplePurple Posts: 80 Mod Squad
    Hi @MintMilano and @EarthMama, thanks for your responses! I don't know, I feel like I may have left it too late now to contact him, and I'm not sure if he's interested anyway. I think I wrote it off after I wasn't really feeling it sexually, but it's good to know for future reference that I could try and give it a go a second time or see if it improves. 
  • MintMilanoMintMilano Posts: 151 Mod Squad
    @Purple If you feel like you did have a good personal connection, it's never really too late to reach out. might be a bit awkward, but if there was something going on there then they might be happy to hear from you?

    I went on a few dates with a guy a while ago, and we got off to a rough start sexually (I had an STI so told him we had to wait a while before having sex). It was going pretty well but then he dropped off the radar and I didn't hear from him for over a year. Then after all that time we met at a party and reconnected and then ended up dating for 8 months after that. So I guess you never really know what could happen, or when that connection might revisit you in the future :) 
  • HoneyPotHoneyPot Posts: 120 Mod Squad
    Ah! Tricky! I have pretty low expectations when I have sex with someone for the first time and have found sex to continue to get better as relationships grow. I try not to be put off by bad sex if it's the first time but i totally get that if it's really shit its hard to try again! I feel like there's no harm in sending hima lil message! If he doesn't respond or he's not down - onto the next! And if he does, it might be worth having another try ;)
  • EarthMamaEarthMama Posts: 126 Mod Squad
    I agree with what has been said! Of course if you don't feel comfortable pursuing this person that is totally fine also- but it is never too late! :)
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