No condom - what do you do?

ElleBelleElleBelle Posts: 410 Community Manager
edited April 2017 in Sexual Health
So this happened the other week:

*fooling around*
Me: Condom.
Him: Uhhh, I don't have one. Do you?
Me: No, I swapped handbags and it's in my other one!

Has anyone else been in a situation where neither of you has a condom, and what did you do?
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Comments

  • NickiPowerNickiPower Posts: 423 Rock Star
    *Puts hand up* YES!!! What did I do? Become bitterly disappointed when I realised there was no way it was happening... 
  • CloakOfAshCloakOfAsh Posts: 319 Rock Star
    This is why you must always live near a 7/11 or similar. Well that and late night snacks but it's all a means to an end yeah? :open_mouth:
  • ElleBelleElleBelle Posts: 410 Community Manager
    When you're in the moment, and you really want to have sex it can be so SO hard to step on the brakes. I'll be completely honest, there has been a time where I've just done it anyway. I did have regrets afterwards, I had to go get emergency contraception and then was worried about STIs. It's really hard to admit that because in theory it's so easy to be responsible and speak up and stop before it goes further. But in real life there are lots of powerful emotions that come into play!
  • mak_trouble891mak_trouble891 Posts: 554 Mod Squad
    I have to agree with @ElleBelle it is really hard to put the breaks on when in the moment, and I have gone ahead with it when there hasn't been a condom available. The feeling afterwards is not a great one. But it does happen. Now I do my best to take control of my contraception and to prevent against unwanted pregnancy, I use the mirena. And a regular STI check up always helps
  • NickiPowerNickiPower Posts: 423 Rock Star
    edited March 2017
    @mak_trouble891 @ElleBelle I'm so paranoid that it was much easier to pull on the brakes hard then freak out about STIs (and pregnancy, but more STIs) after :joy:
  • kindofsquishykindofsquishy Posts: 56 Mod Squad
    I found that kind of making it all about 'the mission' of finding a condom rather than 'oh well, guess we can't have sex' made it easier to pull on the breaks. If we spend enough time trying to find a 7-11 close by, then we'll either score some condoms or the mood will go away. Most of the time :) 
  • ElleBelleElleBelle Posts: 410 Community Manager
    edited May 2017
    That's a good idea @kindofsquishy, a sort of James Bond sex mission! I think one of the hard parts about stepping on the brakes is having the self-confidence to do it. If this isn't a regular partner or you're a bit shy, it takes some guts to speak up. If you've been drinking, it can also be very tempting to just say "stuff it" and worry about the consequences later.
  • NickiPowerNickiPower Posts: 423 Rock Star
    I like that @kindofsquishy, make an "Amazing Race" kind of deal! Makes the reward for all that hard work worth it! :wink:
  • CuriosityCuriosity Posts: 197 Mod Squad
    Need the mission impossible music as you scope out places to buy those emergency condoms lol
  • MsBlueStreakMsBlueStreak Posts: 475 Rock Star
    @Curiosity much lols
  • mak_trouble891mak_trouble891 Posts: 554 Mod Squad
    I have to agree with you @ElleBelle, I think confidence is a big factor in being able to put on the breaks in this situation, especially with someone who is not a regular partner. I wonder if a fear of rejection afterwards also plays a part in people just saying yes?
  • ElleBelleElleBelle Posts: 410 Community Manager
    Hahaha @ mission impossible music.

    Fear of rejection is a powerful motivator @mak_trouble891. I think it could play a big part in not speaking up. Especially if you haven't had sexual contact in a while, or if you really like that person.
  • mak_trouble891mak_trouble891 Posts: 554 Mod Squad
    Exactly @ElleBelle. Its never a nice feeling to be rejected but is it worth not using a condom and risking and STI or pregnancy? Hindsight is a wonderful thing - that's all I can say   
  • CloakOfAshCloakOfAsh Posts: 319 Rock Star
    Even being responsible in a relationship can be hard when you're all in the zone and on hormone highway to hell. 
  • KitKit Posts: 403 Rock Star
    Hmm I guess if we're being honest I've both been disappointed to put the brakes on and done nothing, and also stayed in the zone and done it anyway :( . And although I am usually very conscious of STI concerns (it was a small slip up!), I find pregnancy to be the biggest fear generator. Anyone else?
  • CloakOfAshCloakOfAsh Posts: 319 Rock Star
    I have definitely been there and definitely thrown caution to the wind in the heat of the moment but I am a stresser so usually the next day we take precautions. It's easier and less awkward because I have a long term partner but years ago I made mistakes and it still stresses me out to think about it. 
  • walk_on_wallswalk_on_walls Posts: 191 Mod Squad
    Hmmm...I've never been in the situation (always prepared!).
  • ElleBelleElleBelle Posts: 410 Community Manager
    There is something else I've been thinking about with this. I'm fairly certain that I've been in this situation with someone who said they didn't have a condom because they didn't actually want to wear one. I know some guys find them uncomfortable, but you will not trick me into unprotected sex just because you haven't found a condom brand/style that feels good for you.
  • jackhjackh Posts: 108 Regular
    @ElleBelle they are right it does feel better without one but i can imagine unexpectedly  becoming a parent would be much more inconvenient 
  • CloakOfAshCloakOfAsh Posts: 319 Rock Star
    @ElleBelle as a dude there is some truth to this. But its a fairly minor inconvenience compared to having a child.

    DUDES - go try some different brands, you don't have to just use the ansel ones at Woolies - they fit weird anyway. So many different brands to try and they usually have a size measurement on them - so normal in ansel, trojan, durex are all different - might be only by a millimetre or two but when that thing is wrapped tight around your little buddy you want to make sure he isn't too tight or too loose. Also don't just assume 'ribbed for her pleasure' is pleasurable for them - it might not be. 
  • CloakOfAshCloakOfAsh Posts: 319 Rock Star
    edited May 2017
    Did anyone else read/hear the thing on Hack about 'stealthing'? It's sexual assault - let's not pretend it's not and to be clear anything against someones consent that involves sex is sexual assault. This feeds right into what we are saying above though - one person is placing their pleasure above the safety of both them and someone else while also committing a sexual crime against the other. 

    It's interesting though to see this discussion - I hope it is blown out of proportion but perhaps not. Either way - dudes, buy those naked condoms that are super thin or have an open discussion but DON'T DO THIS. It's not okay!

  • jackhjackh Posts: 108 Regular
    so true @CloakOfAsh ;there is so many different ones also please stock up on some you like or something because by golly we had an awkward moment last night opening every single draw in the bedroom searching for one when I didn't have any left and were well in truly in the mood so we did it anyway - dont do that. My gf is on the pill but now we have to watch for ~sTi's~

    (we've both recently been tested so should be a ok but that's not my point guys... )
  • MsBlueStreakMsBlueStreak Posts: 475 Rock Star
    So I read the article on stealthing @CloakOfAsh, and it made me want to kick this guy in the balls so hard that the prospect of pregnancy is not something any woman need worry about with him.

    Like, just , NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! (I'm literally screaming in my head right now)

    Any man considering this, get some self-respect and respect for others. This is a crime, and you deserve some gaol time. And if you don't think it's a crime... then why if you're HIV positive and try it can you be charged for attempted murder?
  • NickiPowerNickiPower Posts: 423 Rock Star
    @jackh so right, there are soooo many different ones! Oh, that was an awkward moment, did you run out to the supermarket the next day to stock up? 
  • Aunt_FloAunt_Flo Posts: 449 Mod Squad
    I'm way too anxious to let the mood continue without a condom. That being said, I haven't found myself in that situation so I can't say for sure. 

    @MsBlueStreak and after reading what I'm assuming was the same article on a guy who stealths I'm even more anxious now. That is really scary and I doubt all his partners are as relaxed about finding out about it as he says. 
  • jackhjackh Posts: 108 Regular
    @NickiPower I was sure I had a couple so it caught me off guard, all stocked up for sure 
  • KitKit Posts: 403 Rock Star
    I heard about this but not enough to know details and it's still flat out wrong to take away someone's choice of consent.

    I was just going to loop back to @ElleBelle's comment about being tricked into unprotected sex because of lame size/comfort excuses. Condoms fit like a dozen oranges in them or something! Work it out guys! :|
  • CloakOfAshCloakOfAsh Posts: 319 Rock Star
    It's all about the little ring at the bottom, not the balloon! Make sure that fats and the rest is all g
  • ElleBelleElleBelle Posts: 410 Community Manager
    I have photographic proof a condom can fit 26 oranges. Nobody's penis is the size of 26 oranges.


  • CloakOfAshCloakOfAsh Posts: 319 Rock Star
    HAHAHA amazing photo! Don't make me say it again though - its the ring - that bad boy doesn't stretch so good. People just need to be aware of different sizes - that's mostly what the size on the box pertains to anyway
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