Confidence - in the bedroom - Play Safe Forum Topics

This topic has 27 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 1 month ago by NickiPower.

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July 4, 2016 at 11:18 am #106243

mak_trouble891
Participant

Ok so I am not an overly confident person and struggle with body image. My boyfriend often mentions and asks why I don’t dress up for him in the bedroom. I have told him I’m just not confident but I can tell that it still bugs him and that its something that he would like me to try.
How do you guys deal with this type of stuff in the bedroom.. is confidence and body image ever an issue for you?

July 4, 2016 at 12:33 pm #108600

Aunt_Flo
Moderator

‘Dress up’ how?

My boyfriend once asked if I had considered shaving my pubic hair. At the time I felt hairer than the average girl and it was a bit of a sore spot, particularly since we were each others’ first. We’ve grown more open and relaxed with each other now, and now he comments on how much he likes it. I think, though, what helped me in the bedroom wasn’t my boyfriend’s approval of how I looked, but my own. Before, I didn’t really enjoy having pubic hair, and used to shave it all off. I’ve gotten much more relaxed and happy with it now, and my boyfriend has kind of followed suit. It was a good learning experience about being self confident before being confident for someone else.

July 6, 2016 at 10:38 am #108601

Zah
Participant

I doubt there’s anyone here who hasn’t spent too much time worrying about their body and it’s a very normal thing to have concerns about. I guess ‘dress up’ could also mean a lot of things? Like, costumes and role play and stuff would definitely require bucketloads of confidence! Maybe if its something that he would really like you to try, you could get him to find things for you to dress up in, explain why he thinks it would look good on you, etc- try and get him more involved in building your confidence (and maybe even gift you a new set of undies 😛 ). For me, sleeping in the nuddy helped me get over my body image hangups- could be worth a try!

July 7, 2016 at 11:13 am #108602

mak_trouble891
Participant

To clarify @Aunt_Flo he wants me to dress up in sexy clothes, so lingerie, stockings, heels… a bit of dancing, and strip tease. I just don’t think I do sexy well lol
I would have to agree you too, and say I am more wanting my own approval than my boyfriends. I know he thinks I’m sexy, but it is my own confidence that is holding me back.
Thanks for the ideas @Zah, I might just do that. Funnily enough, I can even sleep in the nuddy when its just me, so definitely worth a try 🙂

July 14, 2016 at 1:27 am #108603

Kit
Participant

I think this is a really fascinating look at male turn-ons and possibly a typical example of how many relationships start – with a particular idea of what ‘sexy’ is that may or may not have come from a media image.

Obviously you don’t have to chat about it here if you don’t want to (though it is safe to do so) but what is it that makes you feel sexy? Is there something that makes you feel like you’re owning the day? You could explain why you don’t feel the lingerie getup works for you. I remember a past boyfriend that had this ‘sexy’ idea too and in the end one pair of knickers and some silk ties (rarely used) put the idea to rest fairly quickly. My boyfriend was pretty happy with anything rather than the big tease that I thought it would be.

July 14, 2016 at 9:52 am #108604

mak_trouble891
Participant

Funny you mention it @Kit, I definitely think popular media and porn have something to do with this idea of sexy, and who should initiate the romance making.

I don’t know if I’d call it sexy, but I always feel pretty hot in satin stockings lol

July 19, 2016 at 1:34 am #108605

NickiPower
Participant

Definitely find something that makes you feel sexy rather than what is thought of being sexy. If you are oozing confidence and sexiness (from feeling amazing about yourself) then your partner will pick up on that.

July 21, 2016 at 7:46 am #108606

Kit
Participant

Ooh nice @mak_trouble891! Satin stockings would be a great touch. I think tactile things do wonders because you can focus on the sensation on your own skin and that can be pretty good for getting in the mood.

December 21, 2016 at 8:24 am #108607

Awesone489
Participant

I think lingerie is very hot and a big turn on depending on what is used. Sexy undies are a postive, but I do understand that you need confidence to show off.

December 24, 2016 at 1:44 am #108608

NickiPower
Participant

Hey @Awesone489, when you say depending on what’s used, are you talking about a type of lingerie or whether the confidence is there to rock whatever is being worn? Interested to know! 🙂

December 24, 2016 at 3:00 am #108609

Awesone489
Participant

Hey @NickiPower good question, what i meant was the ‘type of lingerie’ used 😉

December 31, 2016 at 1:40 am #108610

NickiPower
Participant

Oh ok! Got it @Awesone489! 😉

January 4, 2017 at 5:27 am #108611

Nicky101
Participant

I’ve got to agree with you @Awesone489 the type of lingerie does make a difference. I actually like to sheer bra and panty sets as they really set the tone.

January 5, 2017 at 1:40 am #108612

kindofsquishy
Participant

I once had an amazing chat with a bunch of my straight guy friends, asking them what specifically their turn-offs in the bedroom as far as looks (not activities or whatever) would be. Like, does a wobbly tummy kill the mood, that sort of thing. It was actually super interesting that every single one of them said that once they made it to the bedroom with a girl, pretty much everything was good to go. Boobs that go flat when you lie on your back? Yay, boobs. Hair in places that it isn’t “supposed to be?” yay, naked lady. Cellulite on bum? Awesome… butts. I think we sometimes tend to be our own worst critics when it comes to stuff like this, so I’d definitely recommend something that makes you *feel* sexy because at the end of the day, I think they’re just excited to be there. I find remembering that fact also helps give me confidence 😀

January 6, 2017 at 1:39 am #108613

Kit
Participant

Nicky101 said:

I’ve got to agree with you @Awesone489 the type of lingerie does make a difference. I actually like to sheer bra and panty sets as they really set the tone.

The way you’ve said ‘set the tone’ really struck a chord with me @Nicky101 101, and coupled with @kindofsquishy’s fab insights I’m thinking the most accurate tone is “yay, naked!” 😀 😉
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